Once bitten

I could never hurt anyone. Even if you drugged me. Maybe if you held ransom someone I knew, but I’d apologise immediately and take the blame. So, when you called me to come on over, I knew what would happen. You would confront me about your brother’s death and I would say, yes, I couldn’t help it, I’m very sorry.
I bought you flowers. I know you don’t like them, conservationist that you are, but I had to bring them anyway. My empty, big hands needed to be employed some way. I did not expect you to smile when you opened the door and before I could start thinking properly I had said, yes, I would like some tea, thank you. You had even cleared up the table. Now that I didn’t expect. You are famous for your messy home, that’s when I began getting suspicious and wondered if you were poisoning my tea. I heard your stifled yelp when you dropped some hot tea on your foot. I did not offer my help because I know you have your pride.
I wasn’t really worried about the ‘poisoned’ tea, although I hoped you would, but I knew that was too crude for you. I saw your brother’s picture just before you sat down on the armchair next to it. The armchair was a gift from me, but I never told you. You don’t drink tea so you were having a glass of warm water as usual. I was hoping you would say something but you just looked at me patiently. I really thought I would cry.
Three years ago, when you believed in me, I wouldn’t have cared, but now, I just can’t take things like these anymore. Death, disease, angry words, violence. I’ve left it too late. I’m helpless. You shouldn’t have hugged me when I started crying. It made me cry more. A big man like me, howling like a child who has just lost his first puppy.
Twenty minutes? Is that how long I blubbered? But I think, I gave you my best apology yet. You listened like a mother to a child, and I told you about the prayers, the bombs, the way I felt when I watched him hit the ground.
When I got home that night I couldn’t sleep, I still had lots to tell you. I wondered if I could call you and dreamt later that I did and that you shrieked in anger when you saw my face.
Thankfully, you did no such thing when I met you the next day. You didn’t stop me from resigning and i'm glad you didn’t stop me from going away. It hasn’t helped, running away. But maybe the next time I will make fewer mistakes.