'Healthy' cynicism

Funny. I used to think that cynicism wasn't healthy. Thats why the bear, the "only funny books" rule. The throwing away of blue clothes. I thought these things would help. Didnt want to end up as a nicotine, alcohol addict.
Won't.
It is hard to go on 'as usual'. When I get up in the morning I am usually so caught up with finding stuff to cook, that it doesnt bother me.
Its when I watch dad leave, that I realise.
Parents can be mean, friends are busy, siblings are far away and the rest come in the way.
At the end of it all.... nothing is happy. And I cannot improve things.